are you so shy because you have an std?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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