Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
