Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
