You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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