dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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