At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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