i think my tv is drunk
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
