does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
