Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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