sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
do nipples grow back?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
