covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
