Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
