Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
