i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
