in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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