I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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