I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize