Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
