I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
