Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
