you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
