Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
