i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He had one of those small greek statue penises
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
