i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
