it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
