Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
