Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
