OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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