"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
