Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
