bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
