i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Damn victory sex feels great
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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