you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
