is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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