I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
