i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
