I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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