I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
