I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
