Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
