I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
