If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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