can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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