I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
