I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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