He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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