i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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