He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
