If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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