I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
