I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize