just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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