we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
