So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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