I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
