Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Sorry about my life...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
