My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
