I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
