It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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