Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
