I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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