i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
