if you like me you must not know who I am
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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