just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
