she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
this boner is exhausting
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize