I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
