I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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