i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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