Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
