i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
