I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
