my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
