So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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